· 1 review · [ Zootopia ] · by DarkFlameWolf
mature · completed · 130k words · updated 6 months ago
A coming darkness looms on Zootopia. A wolf with a shaded past confronts her own demons, both in her daily life as a bank CEO and during the night, hunting for relief from the pain that has stalked her. As the threat close to home draws near, can she put aside her own struggles to defend what she holds dear? Rated M for strong violence and sexual themes. (In Progress)
submitted by darkflamewolf · updated by Kraewen · approved by Kraewen
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Look elsewhere for a good OC-driven story
WildeHopps4Eva | 5 months ago

Most of what needs to be said about this story can be intuited from its first sentence: "Murana woke up panting, her entire body glistening with sweat, its smooth viscosity dribbling through her fur." That’s right: it’s OC focused and the author is prone to clunky word choices. Her sweat is thick, sticky, and only semifluid? Gross. Also improbable, as wolves only sweat from their noses and their paw pads, but perhaps we can give the author a pass on that since striving for perfect accuracy to real world biology is a fool’s errand when the animals have thumbs and talk. Anyway, after that less than promising start, things don’t really get any better. Writing a story focused on OCs is admittedly quite the challenge, as the potential audience doesn’t have any built-in reason to like or care about the characters in the story. The author, unfortunately, doesn’t give us any reason to develop any affection or interest in the protagonists. This is despite the tediously long segments of conversations, which try to take the concept of “show, don’t tell” to heart but fail miserably. Clunky conversations are not better than flat-out exposition. Making matters worse, the author keeps stuffing more characters in, some of which seem based on their friends in the Zootopia fandom. Honestly, a lot of this would make more sense as a role-playing session rather than an actual story. It’s understandable if a gaming session has a bit of a tendency to ramble or needs to fit in a bunch of characters, and the experience for the people involved can be highly enjoyable in the moment. For someone without that connection to the work, though, it’s about as interesting as hearing your co-workers talk about their half-remembered dreams. I recommend a hard pass on this story. If you want to be drawn into a story about OCs in the Zootopia universe, Pack Street is a vastly superior option.

1 God_Of_Donuts