· 1 review · [ Harry Potter ] · by Achille Talon
kid · ongoing · 236k words · updated 6 months ago
Hermione Granger was born a Parselmouth. She arrives at Hogwarts with less trust in authority (after all, muggle science somehow missed snake sentience), and a mission to prove snakes are people too. And Goblins. And Acromantulas. And… oh Merlin. Hogwarts isn't prepared for this, the Wizarding World isn't prepared for this, and Voldemort is *especially* not prepared for this.
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A Fun Romp
Vadron | 23 days ago

"The Parselmouth of Gryffindor" is fun, it is whimsical, and it has its ethical head screwed on right. Its English is workmanlike, if nothing special; a few bon mots to be found and all that, though I'm sure robst contains a few bon mots too, if you look really hard and don't mind the shit that enmires them. The story isn't much for pacing, but that's no real issue. I get the feeling it's meant more for subscribed readers who get a new chapter a week than for bingereaders, though I binged most of it, and here I am, writing a positive review, so you know. At any rate the plot developments are all novel; no protracted graveyard scenes to be had here. I say plot-developments and not twists, because mysteries or arcs are really if ever really set up; it's just The Life and Times of Hermione Granger. I'd call it slice-of-life except things Hermione's day-to-day life is full of things like a Basilisk curing lycanthropy while Hedwig is fighting an evil Hufflepuff for the status of Triwizard Champion, so it's not really an apt descriptor. Aside from the pacing thing, and the inevitable handful of plotholes, I'd say the inconsistent tone is the biggest mistake of Achilles Talon. At times things are Seventh Horcrux levels of insane, and this is clearly the story he's selling first and foremost; but as things unfold, it's quite obvious that he's fallen in love with his own characters and wants to tell an Epic Hero's Journey for his bratty-genius Hermione, even if it's a fairly off-kilter one. I feel that Mr Talon is somewhat less well-suited to that genre than he is to zany comedy, even if he still demonstrates more than basic competence whenever things get serious. By the way, Achilles Talon? Cool name, that; feels like an OC Defense Professor might have that name; which reminds me that while the few OCs in this story are rather nice by OC standards, their names are kinda stupid; Professor Max, seriously? Professor Quirrel, Professor Lockhart… Professor Max? I appreciate shaking up the sempiternal list of Canon Defense Professors, but if you're gonna go up against Umbridge as a character, try harder. Oh, and it's not that there isn't any of that in the story, but it's not nearly as concerned with snakes as the summary suggests. There's a decent number of well-defined snake characters, though Nagini is for some reason not one of them. But Hermione isn't actively pursuing snake equality; it's just one more quirky opinion of hers. The Basilisk is introduced as a major character but kinda fades into the background after a while and never makes much of an impression. (The same can be said of Harry Potter, by the way, but I don't think very many people read HP fanfic, especially ones where he isn't the main character, because they have deep unconditional love of the character of Harry Potter. Harry Potter is a slice of toast. A wimpy one. Who the author keeps telling you is Jesus for some reason.) All in all, not a masterpiece, but a minor classic. I say 4/5. And this is the author's first serious story, so we might expect some great things from Mr Talon in the futre, hm, hm, yes, great things. (This last sentence to be read in Ollivander voice.)